I had a bunch of good ideas for blog titles this morning.

I'm supposed to come here when something is bothering me, which is damn near every day. Lately I guess I've just been really whatever with everything. If there's anything I learned from getting off my ass and going to college, it's that no matter how much you want to do something with your life, no matter how hard you try to change your routine and become a better person with a more meaningful life, you'll probably just end up thrown in jail.

If, at first, you don't succeed; try, try again. Unless you don't have the means to try again. I'm in debt with my student loans already, all of which went towards me busting my ass off to get a 3.3 GPA at college (which is much higher than my cumulative high school GPA estimated around 1.8 or something ridiculous). But that whole year won't count for anything. Those credits won't transfer, and I can't go into the Education career cluster anymore. So by the time I find a college that will accept me, I won't be able to afford it. By the time I can afford it, supposing they'd still let me in, I will have wasted half my life. Yes, wasted.

See, it's only in America when you have to put yourself substantially in debt to portray the image that your life means something. Imagine meeting a girlfriend's parents. Explain to them that instead of pursuing your degree in dentistry you needed to afford a place to stay and food to eat, so you took a job at a factory. Or Arby's. (Hey, mess up all the Big Montana's you want. They'll just get 'thrown out' anyway. In your stomach.)

So either you're rich as fuck, and don't even NEED a degree to matter to anyone else. Or you need to bust your ass for 6 years to get good grades in school to try and get into a prestigous institute and take out 60 billion double-dollars in loans to pay for it all, ALL without going fucking insane, JUST so your girlfriend's parents will like you. Well, for anything at all, really.

If you dream of writing beautiful music for the popular culture, you're a lowlife. Unless you're a girl, and then you're either a starving artist, hard luck woman or a whore. If you want to paint irritating bitches nails for the rest of your life as a beautician, because you aren't smart enough to make a complete sentence out loud, or even arrange the letters properly in a word, that's a fine career. No one looks down on the skanks that damage your hair. They all went to scool to lern that traid n e way.

In our culture we have to torture ourselves to matter to anyone else, and without mattering to anyone else you become tortured by them. I remember when a girl I used to hang out with told her mom and dad that I had been working in a factory to save money for college, he fucking scoffed at her. He asked her why she was hanging around someone who's life obviously wasn't going anywhere. When she told me about it, I scoffed myself. I apologized for not being born into a family that could afford shit. I wondered why society deemed me a loser for trying to raise myself up out of my situation. For doing the smart thing and working beforehand, instead of paying off high interest rates on loans I couldn't afford, I was unworthy of conversation with his daughter.

Maybe it's a stereotype or something. Maybe all factory workers have wasted their lives. But this chump is an assistant manager of some Alltel store, and probably never did any real work in his life. Fuck, I think the store even got shut down and he had to relocate to a different office across town. I hope he runs that one into the ground, too. Me, giving up slivers of my youth to kill my body day by day in a factory to bring myself a higher education, I'm the useless fucking filth that dredges our culture into the bottom of humanity. Or some such nonsense.

Oh, look at this. I just opened a letter from the department of treasury stating that they awarded me an extra $2,100 this year for Baker College, because I had a really good GPA. However, the elegibility requires that I not be incarcerated. Which I will be soon. So there goes another chance for me to try and succeed at life. Where is the "win" button?

Oh, and as a side note, I went to see Pineapple Express last night. It wasn't too special. Maybe I was spoiled by Step Brothers, and now will no longer laugh at another comedy because it was too fucking funny.