Life: A Reaction to Emptiness

Just give me one chance
to feature you in sunshine,
And we could both dance
the aphids swarm away.

It's not too often I can intertwine lyrics into prose. No, that's unfair to say. Maybe I've just never tried doing it before today. It just came to me, so I'll run with it. It's not like I've got any fans to scare away.

The title is not some terribly lame clichè to rope people in to my "deepest thoughts", it really does relate to what I'm talking about. So before you think 'OH, HERE'S ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE KIDS WHO PUTS UP THE IMAGE THAT THEY'RE WELL-READ, JUST LIKE BONE PALACE BALLET OR THE FIRST SENSES FAIL LP', that is the one ounce of credibility I will insist upon. I will not quote Chaucer to fool people into thinking I'm smarter than anyone else. I don't think I've ever read anything by Chaucer. Hell, I don't even know what he wrote. I guess I would have made an awful English teacher after all.

So take me out. Woo, honey, let's go dancing.

Okay. Life. Life is the best cereal. If you want to argue, don't bother, because I have nothing to back that up. Aside from the fact that it tastes awesome, the milk soaks in to soften it but not enough to make it soggy. Life is not made with a 2-1 ratio of sugar to grain, like most cereal. Life is always flat, so you can fit a buttload of it into a bowl. Frosted Flakes? Fuck no. They're wrinkled and bendy and if you really want a bowlful, you have to crush it all down with your fist. But then you're eating monochromatic Fruity Pebbles. If you think Cinnamon Life is better than Life, go away. (And if you thought I was going to end that sentence with some variation of "I will stab you in the jaw", you need to leave this blog site right now. I will not be making any lame Dane Cook jokes or references, because his month of being funny ended three years ago. The only pleasure I get from him anymore is watching Dan in Real Life, because he's a dickmouth. Or, if I watch Mr. Brooks, I can see him get his head nearly cut off by Kevin Costner [who I also hate.])

Hello? Hello? Losing concentration, losing motivation, losing ground.

Life is also the best board game.
"Scattergories!" No!
"Pop-O-Matic Trouble!" Second best.
"Battleship!" ....have you ever even played Battleship? Not only are there a thousand and a half pieces and pegs, but the game lasts two hours with nothing happening. E2, miss. A4, miss. X433, miss. G7? You just hit G8. IF YOU LIKE PINA COLADAS.*

Life sucks. Unless you're a cartoonist fulfilling your dream, or a rapper with a rhyming dictionary to do your work for you and some talentless nobody making preprogrammed beats for you, not too many people have a whole lot going for them. Well alright, even the rappers used to have to dodge bullets once in a while, but now the rap game is all a bunch of hard talk. Everybody has a beef with everyone else, and yet no one has ever died of Mad Cow.

Why are all the best things named after the one thing everyone knows blows?

Maybe I'm looking at it the wrong way. Maybe Life is the best cereal because it was named before they found out it was good. Maybe the board game is only fun because it makes us feel like if our life were really as simple as spinning and moving, drawing cards to have kids, it wouldn't be so bad. After all, if I get "blessed" with 4 girls, all I have to do is finish the game and start over. In real life (or RL, as us geeks refer to it most often), if I end up with 4 girls, not only do I go bankrupt but the only way to make room in the car for another spin at genetic roulette, I have to forget one of them at a rest stop indefinitely.

Solo, solo. Don't like moderation, starved for conversation, are you down?

Maybe I only think that life sucks because I'm not trying hard enough. Honestly, I don't feel like I'm trying at all. I've got a real rough spot coming up soon, and I might not ever get back to this blog. I have no idea how many entries I can publish before I leave.

If you actually read all of this, congratulations. You've made it. If you've already wasted this much of your time on my thoughts, I'd appreciate it if you'd comment and tell me your reaction. To life, to my bad breath, I don't care. I just need to know someone is listening so I can keep writing.

Lyrics: Let's Talk Turkey by Ima Robot

*Part of a scene from Dirty Work. (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120654/)

Don't stop wasting people's time.